Catastrophising

Think of someone you care about deeply. Say their name or write it down. 

Now, insert their name into the sentence below…

“I want __________ to be hit by a bus.”

Could you do it? You probably couldn’t, right? Maybe you laughed or giggled when you read the sentence. Maybe you refused to do it. Maybe you were even appalled and yelled “no, I don’t want that to happen.”

Our brains are really good at stepping in when it comes to someone we care for. But our brains are less good at stepping in when we’re dealing with ourselves. In fact, as we saw in Making Positive Change, our brains have a habit of making things worse. 

There’s another important point that we need to raise too. You had a strong emotional reaction to the prompt. You reacted as if you were being asked to actually wish for your loved one to be hurt. But is that really what happened?

So let’s try this again.

Think of someone you care about deeply. Say their name or write it down. 

Now, insert their name into the sentence below…

“As part of my course I have been asked to write that I want __________ to be hit by a bus.”

That was much easier, right? Why was it easier to complete the second sentence than the first? After all, both sentences gave you the exact same instructions. The difference is that in the second version we took a step back and saw the complete context. So instead of reacting emotionally, you were able to use your reasoning skills to mediate between your emotions and your reactions. 

Sometimes when we face moments of genuine hardship we can allow our fears, stress, anxiety and pain to mutate into their own, exponentially growing monster. In other words, we have a tendency when bad things happen to think that everything is ruined and nothing will ever be the same. We call this catastrophising. It happens to us frequently and it's scary when it does. 

What can we do to prevent catastrophising?

Write down each of the following values on an individual card or post it note or print them out and cut them up.

Arrange your cards into three groups. The first group is for the values that mean the most to you. The second is for the values that are important to you, the third is for the values that are less important to you. The groups do not need to have an equal number of cards. 

Take the pile of cards representing the values that mean the most to you. Organise them in order of most meaningful, putting the single most meaningful value at the top.

Take the top card, the card that represents the single most meaningful value to you. 

Hold it as close to your face as you can. What can you see?

Nothing, right?

Most likely your vision is so blurred that you can’t even read what’s on the card. The card is also so close to your face that it’s blocking out everything else from your field of vision too.

This is what we tend to do when we catastrophise. 

We get profoundly upset because something that means the most to us has been threatened or injured. As a result, we hold on so tightly to that value that all we can see is that value, nothing else, and even then, not clearly anymore. 

Now, hold the card comfortably in front of you.

You are still holding the card representing the value that means the most to you. It's still in your hand. In fact, it's probably now in the centre of your field of vision. So now you can see the value written clearly upon it, and you can see everything else that exists around the card too. 

This is the process we need to go through when we catastrophise. We need to avoid holding on too tightly to a single object at the expense of both it and everything else. We need instead to contextualise that value within everything else in our lives. 

This does not remove the cause of your suffering, but it allows you to see it for what it really, truly is, and in relation to everything else. 

The process we just did can give you the architecture to cope with catastrophising, but there are other tools that you can use too. 

1. Get sleep - catastrophising is exhausting and sleep helps us build our resilience

2. Get exercise - our bodies and minds are connected so eating well, hydrating properly and getting exercise will energise you and help youtube stay calm

3. Self sooth - engage in practices that make you feel secure and safe. Treat yourself like you would treat someone you love

4. Take control - set aside some time every day to journal how you are feeling, knowing that when you finish that session it is time to put the journal and the catastrophising to one side. This doesn’t mean you pretend it isn’t there: you’re just consciously moving it from in front of your face to the side so you can continue with your day

5. Reach out - it's hard to reach out to others when you are so upset because you don’t have any more resilience left to be vulnerable. It is also possible that someone won’t hear you. But there is always someone who will