Build Your RAFT

From time to time we move on. We move to a new neighbourhood, leave for university, or change schools. It's a normal part of life. It's also incredibly difficult. All those people and places that gave us comfort, support, familiarity, and security seem to vanish in an instant. Sometimes this can be overwhelming and, stuck in survival mode, we deny ourselves new opportunities and remain trapped in this very real form of grief.

So what are we supposed to do? We can build our RAFT. 

RAFT is an acronym standing for Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell, and Thinking. It's a tool kit designed to help us move forward to new opportunities with closure, kindness and optimism. When done well, it has the power to reduce the grieving process associated with leaving behind people and places you care for. 

Reconciliation asks us to attend to difficult or fractured relationships before we depart. This does not mean that we have to submit ourselves to a nauseating apology tour. In fact, there might be some relationships that we’re unable to repair. But here comes the note of wisdom. Just because we leave a place, it doesn’t mean that unresolved relationship issues will go away. Don’t carry the weight of interpersonal anger to your new destination. There’s few things worse than being chained in anger or resentment to another person. Forgive or ask for forgiveness. Make amends. You’ll be amazed by its power to set you free. 

Affirmation asks us to thank those who have helped and supported us. Letting people know how much you appreciate what they did for you is deeply empowering for both parties. And if it's too awkward to have that conversation face to face, you can write a letter or even record a podcast. Don’t let your future self inherit regrets. Show people how much they mean to you. 

Farewell asks us to ensure we say goodbye. This can be a tough, emotionally wrenching experience. Give yourself time and space to say farewell properly. Don’t wait until the taxi arrives to take you to the airport. Of equal importance is taking the time to say farewell to the places and things that helped make the place feel like home. Visit that bakery you liked. Hug that tree that made you smile. Planning special events on a calendar will ensure you don’t forget someone or somewhere. It’ll also free you of the emotional energy you spend having to remember to do all these tasks. It will also give you the chance to spread out your farewells so you can say and do what you mean to. 

Thinking asks you to think about your next destination. It asks you to get excited about the new opportunities awaiting you. You can start by researching where you want to visit, live, shop, eat, go to the movies, see a play and so on. It also asks you to think about what part of your new life will be similar to your current one, and which aspects will be different. Thinking asks us to start the process of constructing our new home before we arrive. If you don’t know where to start, nerd out on google or apple maps.