Finding Ikigai

Write down your definition of happiness. Don’t worry about crafting the perfect description. There’s no need to check the dictionary or google it. Go with what you know. Go with what feels intuitive. 

My definition of happiness is...

OK, let’s put a pin in your definition for now but we’re going to return to it. 

The Infinite Why

Have you ever tried to answer a curious child’s question about life, the universe and everything? If so, you’ve probably encountered the dreaded ‘infinite why’. To every response you give, no matter how logical or coherent, usually you’ll hear the following reply… "But why?” More likely, it looks a bit like this, “But whyyyyyyyyyy?!?”

And it can be infuriating. 

Let’s run a simulation. Imagine you are trying to explain to a child an important goal that you have.

You:

I want to get good grades.

Child:

But why?

You:

Because I want to go to university. 

Child:

But why?

You:

Because I want to get a degree.

Child:

But why?

You:

Because I want to get a good job.

Child:

But why?

You:

Because I want to earn good money.

Child:

But why?

You:

Because I want a nice house, social status and security.

Child:

But why?

And so on into infinity. When we look at these responses from the perspective of a child it all makes sense. None of the answers above seem to have any meaning or purpose to a child. None of them seem to promise you joy. 

Now, we could bristle, get defensive and dismiss the child. What do kids know anyway, we could say. The thing is, children are generally innocent of all the social, economic and relationship demands we silently, and sometimes loudly, put upon each other. In other words, the child is simply unimpressed by all these external demands. So maybe we could dismiss the child, or perhaps we could ask ourselves if the child in fact knows something that we’ve learnt, or been taught, to forget. 

There’s a life hack to help us do just that. There is an answer that stops the infinite why. There’s an answer that nobody, no matter how innocent or how cynical, ever disagrees with…

Child:

But why?

You:

Because I want to be happy. 

There it is... I want to be happy... A child would be wholly satisfied by that answer. Perhaps the best thing we can do is to re-learn how to give the same response for ourselves.

This leads us then to the question: what is happiness?

It's easier to say what it isn’t. Happiness is not a permanent state of bliss. Thinking of it as such can be dangerous. It prevents us from realising that we will, and should, experience the full range of human emotions. Thinking of happiness as a permanent state of bliss will create in our minds a hierarchy of emotions from good to bad; it will make us defensive as we desperately try to maintain this impossibly permanent state. In turn, that defensiveness will make us closed minded and risk averse.

Eudaimonia

So what then is happiness? In his book Nicomachean Ethics, written around 340 BCE, Aristotle used the term ‘eudaimonia’, which roughly translates to human flourishing and prosperity. Let’s have a look at some of the things Aristotle wrote. 

“The self-indulgent man craves for all pleasant things... and is led by his appetite to choose these at the cost of everything else.”

Here Aristotle tells us that desiring a permanent state of bliss is mistaking selfishness and greed for happiness. He goes on to warn us that such a definition will ultimately prove impossible to sustain.

“Bad people...are in conflict with themselves; they desire one thing and will another, like the incontinent who choose harmful pleasures instead of what they themselves believe to be good.”

Here Aristotle tells us that understanding yourself and demonstrating self control will help us to avoid harmful selfishness and destructive, greedy behaviours.

“He is happy who lives in accordance with complete virtue and is sufficiently equipped with external goods, not for some chance period but throughout a complete life.”

Here Aristotle tells us that developing “virtuous” habits, routines, and tools can help us to understand ourselves and learn better self control.

“These virtues are formed in man by his doing the actions ... The good of man is a working of the soul in the way of excellence in a complete life.”

Here Aristotle tells us that through knowing ourselves, building and keeping virtuous habits we can be happier. 

This feels an intuitively better definition of happiness than a permanent state of bliss. It implies a process we commit to as opposed to an end state. It implies that we have to take action to develop our happiness. It implies that our happiness requires multiple pieces. But it still doesn’t tell us what happiness actually is. 

Will to Meaning

In his 1969 book, Will to Meaning, Viktor Frankel wrote about the horror and trauma of surviving the holocaust. Most powerfully he wrote about how it was possible, even under the most appalling of circumstances, to find some measure of happiness. 

“For the meaning of life differs from man to man from day to day and from hour to hour what matters therefore is not the meaning of life in general but the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.” 

Here Frankel argued that happiness was to be found in the intersection of meaning, purpose and joy. 

If we put Aristotle and Frankel’s wisdom together perhaps it suggests that happiness is found in the intersection of meaning, purpose and joy, which we achieve through the creation and maintenance of positive habits and routines. 

Japanese culture has a compatible understanding of happiness. It is called ikigai. Take a look at the ikigai Venn diagram below. How frequently would you say you achieve the balance or harmony required to achieve a state of ikigai? Which bubbles do you most recognise as your strengths?

Throughout the Positive Change Project we are going to explore the challenges to living a life of meaning, purpose and joy. We are going to introduce and practice tools and techniques to help you develop those virtuous habits and routines to reach, more frequently, a state of ikigai.

Let’s revisit your definition from the start of this chapter. Would you change anything?

Now take a moment to reflect on the things present in your life that provide you with meaning, purpose and joy, and consider the frequency you experience them. Copy and complete the table below.